I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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