Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
