Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
