do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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