So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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