and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
