I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
