Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
