I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
