sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
