Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
