at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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