I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
