I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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