I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
