how hairy? two words: wookie tits
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
