1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
