Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
