I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
