Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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