what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
