Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
