Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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