i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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