he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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