Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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