i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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