I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
