guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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