I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dick very happy bro
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
