Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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