You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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