Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
