just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
