I puked a lego.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
