Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
