I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize