Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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