I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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