Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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