Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
