Say something about gay babies.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
