there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
