I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
