How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
