I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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