normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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