All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
