The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
