Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
