He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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