Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
