I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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