can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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