so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
