I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
