my sisters under your porch take her home
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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