What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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