If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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