i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
