Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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