dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
