You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
