It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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