butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The uberlube is also flammable
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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